Last Lecture

I am no longer dreamless. This is what I realized about myself after watching Randy Pausch’s Last Lecture. The guy is amazing. Here he is, standing up in the face of pancreatic cancer and certain death and his focus is helping others to realize their dreams.
As I reflected on his words, I started to think about the fact that I have had many dreams during the course of my life, all of which have changed due to circumstance. When I was in high school, I wanted to be a police officer. I even went to the police station to "shadow" a detective for a day. I watched too many movies that made it look easy and I thought I would be good at it. When I graduated, I didn't want to go to college. So, I didn't do anything but waste time. After bartending and trying out numerous other career paths, I decided I wanted to be a teacher. Yes, it’s funny to me now, but this “dream” carried me all the way to college where I never wanted to go and I studied English and focused on Creative Writing. After I prematurely quit going to college, I was hit with the stark reality that there was no job called “World Saver.” So, I gave up on myself.
Fast forward 5 years, and you’ll find a 28-year-old pastor's wife and mother of one beautiful baby girl. I think about my dreams now and whether or not they are still attainable. Only now, they have changed all over again. Over the past two years, I have been learning more and more about the ways that the LORD has gifted me. One of those gifts is compassion. I have recently decided that I am going to enroll in classes this fall at Jefferson. I am planning to take some prerequesite courses there to get accepted into Trinity School of Nursing.
I am not quite sure what birthed this new desire in my heart, but in the grand scheme of things, I just want to care for people and I want more than a job that's just a paycheck.
When I listen to other professionals that complain about their jobs that they've worked for 20 and 30-years, I feel sick to my stomach. To me that sounds like a prison sentence with no chance at parole. I would never want to sacrifice time with my family to work in a job that I hated just to pay the bills. It's just not that important to me. To be honest, this new dream is just the first step to what I hope is a lifetime of ministry opportunity. One day, I would love to obtain the skills to take nursing in a missional direction. Until then, I'll keep dreaming about it and using the opportunities that I have to make it happen. The human plight has inspired me to be a "world changer". I'll leave that "world saving" business up to God.

Good Intentions

Loving people is more than an emotion. If our minds don't support our emotions in caring for others, then our feelings of love will thin out into just good intentions. Loving others is often inconvenient. We need the strength of our mind to help solidify our commitment to other people. Otherwise, we will become one of the multitudes reciting, "I meant to do something, but I just never got around to it." Each of us might do it differently, but we are all called to invest in the lives of others. After church today, I was listening to some of the hardships a friend of ours is facing, and I thought of this verse:
"Consider one another in order to stir up love and good works." Hebrews 10:24
This friend just recently went in on a partnership deal to buy, own, and renovate a manufactured housing community. Most of the people that are living there are doing so in the poorest of conditions. Not only because of the place itself, but because of the ways in which they choose to live and how their community has been cared for in the past. As he described the situation to me, I listened and prayed silently to myself. In his frustration, I could see his good intentions being twarted by anger and disappointment.
He asked, "where am I supposed to even start, there's so much to deal with? "
When Jesus saw the multitude, He was moved with compassion for them. Why? Because they were lost. He desired that they receive freedom and deliverance from whatever troubled them. We too, have to desire to see that same deliverance for those we are trying to help. We can care for others intentionally. Maybe they are struggling with issues that we have never had experience with before, but if we purpose in our hearts to love them and care for them because we desire to, we can understand their situation from a different perspective. By gaining this understanding, we also gain access. Access to new ministry, people, and most importantly, God's grace.

Happy Mother's Day

My mom has a plaque on her wall that reads: "A mother holds her children's hands for awhile, and their hearts forever." On May 10th, I celebrated my first Mother's Day. Actually, I was pregnant last Mother's Day, but I figure since she wasn't born yet then it doesn't count. I think it's funny how people devote an entire day to the celebration of one particular person or thing. This year will be Mike's second Father's Day because Abigail was born on June 16th, one day before Father's Day. He likes to joke that he has one up on me. As I sit here and write this post, Abigail is eating her cheerios that she dumped out onto the floor, in between her bouts of babbling. I'm glad I ran the sweeper today. It seems as though being a mother has turned out to mean so many different things that I become overwhelmed at times. Not really overwhelmed at all the things I have to do, more like overwhelmed at the thought of this little person that can't rely on herself at all. Instead, she looks to us to feed her, bathe her, play with her, protect her, and love her. I think about how she's not just going to understand things on her own, that we have to teach her. That may sound like a simple thought, and for those people who are already parents and have been for awhile, they've probably thought the same thing at one point or another. It doesn't matter how many times I tell her that she can't climb up on the bookshelves because she does it anyway. She's also had two black eyes, numerous finger cuts, and last week her face looked like she got attacked by a wolverine. Still, she remains fearless. As for me, sometimes I feel like I may have a heart attack because of her fearlessness. I guess that's all just part of being a mother so to speak. What amazes me the most is God's grace through this season of our lives. We've prayed countless times for wisdom and understanding in the ways of parenting. We've prayed that our times of trial and error would not be harmful, but a learning experience. I know I see His grace the most when I am tired and frustrated with Abigail and she starts crying. I run to pick her up and comfort her because she needs that. His grace is enough in those moments, to calm me and bring things back into perspective...at least until the next time. I look at her, and I know that I can do this "mom thing". I look at her, and I see what happiness is.