You're Not Shaken

I am sinking in the river that is raging

I am drowning, will I ever rise to breathe again?

I want to know why, I just want to understand

Will I ever know why
How could this be from Your Hand?

When every little thing that I dream of being

Just slips away like water from my hands

and when it seems the walls of my beliefs

come crashing down like they're all made of sand

I won't let go of you now, because I know

That You're not shaken.

I am trembling in the darkness of my own fear

All the questions with no answers

they grip me while I'm here

and I may never know why

and I may never understand

But I will lift up my eyes

and trust this is Your plan

I know You're in the valley of the shadow of death

and You're not shaken...

Prayer

I find myself trying very hard to deny God's presence, especially when it invades my circle of defenses. Over time, I have carefully carved out a safe spot far down inside my own determination and stand in defiance over His eventual and expected intrusion. Oddly enough, I think the reason why I love Him so much is because He doesn't always knock before He enters. He loves to just storm into my deepest parts and start turning over tables, clearing spaces, and setting things free. I struggle with my indifference and I have all kinds of objections to His leadings, but still, He is always there.
I freely admit that there is a lot of sadness hidden in the center of my hardened heart. I become impaled by my thoughts of my own personal self-worth at least one hundred times a day. But when I look up, He is beside me. He lifts me up and stands face to face with me in the circle of my despair. He often describes me as He sees me and not how I see myself.
This is why I often fall to my knees, to the earth beneath my faltering feet...lay down my sword, and weep into the dirt from whence I came. This is the place where I find that I am precious in His sight. And that's all that matters to me.

Easter: The Passover Lamb

If we all are sinners, then each one of us needs a Redeemer. It means that man is not the “end-all-be-all” or the “center” of the all that is. It also means that we are special and unique and that God wants a relationship with us. It means there are absolutes and standards after all. A lot of people do not want to believe in such things.
Last night, Mike and I were watching the movie, The Passion of the Christ, which we have both seen dozens of times. What was strange though, is how it struck me this particular time. I was faced with the reality of the movie, and found new meaning in it's symbolism that I have never noticed before. For example, Simon declares to the crowd that he is the innocent man forced to carry the cross of this criminal. Yet by the time Simon reaches the top of Calvary, he realizes that Christ is the innocent man and that our sins are the cause for these events. We relate to Simon because many times in our own lives we are “forced” to carry the “cross” of unemployment or health disorders or family crises. We do not want to be burdened with these sufferings. Yet after bearing our cross, we learn more about who we are as persons and how we are there to help others through their difficult times.
What struck me more than anything was the flashback of Jesus falling as a child and the anguish Mary felt as she tried to protect Him from the pain. This stirred inside of me, the raw emotion of a mother’s love for her child. I began to think of Abigail and how much God loves her more than I ever could. It was nearly impossible to imagine that truth. This emotion is conveyed throughout the movie in Mary right up to the end when she holds the body of Christ at the foot of the cross. I was amazed at her ability to perform this role in the movie.
When juxtaposed with the purpose of Christ’s suffering and death to redeem mankind, there had to be the blood. Only this blood was a cleansing blood. This blood was the blood of the Passover lamb covering the lintels and doorposts of those who would be saved. This blood was the blood of the New Covenant, which would be poured out for remission of sins. Indeed the Book of Revelation speaks of the saints whose robes were washed in the blood of the Lamb. As if to remind us of the preciousness of His blood, there is the scene during which Mary is on her hands and knees wiping up His blood after the scourging. The symbolism is profound and troubling at the same time.

A Revelation:

After an exhausting church board meeting tonight, I figured out that there are just some things I am never going to understand. But...for the first time in a year and a half, I know that I am right where I need to be. All of my questioning, searching, and wondering has led me to a place where crying out to the LORD has become first language. And after much prayer and fasting, my questions have been answered and I have found what I was searching for. My discovery was this:

Even here....His Hand will guide me.

No Other Way

When your mind is a mess, so is mine
I can't sleep 'cause it hurts when I think
When my thoughts aren't at peace
with the plans that we make, and chances we take
They're not yours and not mine
They're just waves that can break
All the words that we say and the words that we mean
Words can fall short, they can't see the unseen
Cause the world is awake, for somebody's sake now
please close your eyes, can we please get some sleep
And know that if I knew all of the answers
I would not hold them from you
You'd know all the things that I'd know
We told each other, there is no other way
Well, too much silence it can be misleading
You're drifting, I can hear it in the way that your breathing
We don't really need to find reason
Cause out the same door that it came in, it's leaving
Leaving like a day that's done and part of a season
Resolve is just a concept that's as dead as the leaves
But at least we can sleep, it's all that we need
When we wake we will find
Our minds will be free

Marriage Counseling 101

As Mike and I were driving home from a picnic today, he informed me that in the next week or so, we were going to be doing some marriage counseling. A young couple in our church is getting married in October. The first thought that came to my mind was a question. That question was this: How does one counsel someone who is about to get married?

Do I tell them to run for the hills because marriage is really hard work and at one point or another, one of them may want to get out of it? What tools can we give them as husband and wife that will help them to build a solid foundation not only at the beginning, but one that will transform and last throughout their lives? I've pondered these questions and these are the answers that I came up with.

First of all, know that my marriage has tested me. I have found on many occasions, that Mike and I have opposing needs, desires, perspectives, and we are both self-centered. No matter how hard we try to, we cannot love each other perfectly. I do believe that love really does cover a multitude of sins. I do believe that perfect love can exist. My only problem is that it is so very hard to love that way. Still, while we can't love perfectly, we can choose to give up whatever it is at any given time that is causing us to stumble in our attitudes. It is our responsibility once we are married, to perservere, to keep moving forward and press on towards our heavenly call in Christ Jesus.

I have also discovered that forgiving never comes naturally to me. I have to work really hard at it. I have always felt that people should pay for the wrong that they have done, myself included. I have always thought that I was right in thinking that way too, that it was my good sense of fairness. But now I have come to find that particular way of thinking to be unbiblical. My bible says that Love keeps no record of wrongs. Forgiveness is God's invention, not mine. It's how we come to terms with an unfair world in which people hurt each other deeply. Forgiving is love's power to break nature's rule. Forgiving is love's toughest work and it's biggest risk. Sometimes we twist it into something that it was never meant to be by making ourselves the doormat or the manipulator.

I have to be faithful, forgiving, and I have to extend mercy to my husband not only because I love him, but because my relationship with God began when HE forgave me.

What can we do about all the bumps and bruises? What can we do to make sure that we won't give up? We can start by accepting that hurt feelings are a part of marriage and family life. We can also acknowledge our own imperfections first before we acknowledge our spouses. We can always refuse to nurture feelings of self-pity, resentment, ot dissatisfaction. We can know that these things are not going to be easy.

Mike and I have learned and are still continuing to learn to ease our conflicts through improved communication. Once we find the right way to express our emotions appropriately, we learn and practice the art of apology on a daily basis.

The Lord faithfully loves my husband and is working in him for HIS good. When I am upset, I try to remember that. Instead of seeking control, I look for God's handiwork in every moment and I pray. I see God's awesome hand of power in every stage of our lives so far, whether painful or pleasurable. God's love for my family exceeds my highest expectations, my biggest hopes, and all of my desires. When challenges come our way, so does grace and wisdom.

So, I guess that brings to mind that same question. What do you tell someone who is about to get married? The answer: Put God first. Place your hopes in HIM alone. The relationships that HE blesses us with are worth nurturing, protecting, improving, honoring, praying for, celebrating, encouraging, appreciating, paying attention to, and most of all, enjoying.

A Prayer

Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on his radio program, "The Rest of the Story", and received a larger response to this program than any other he has ever aired. With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep over our nation and wholeheartedly become our desire so that we again can be called "One nation under God".
"Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask your forgiveness and to seek your direction and guidance. We know Your Word says, "Woe to those who call evil good", but that is exactly what we have done. We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed our values. We have exploited the poor and called it lottery. We have rewarded laziness and called it welfare. We have killed our unborn and called it choice. We have shot abortionists and called it justifiable. We have neglected to discipline our children and called it building self-esteem. We have abused our power and called it politics. We have coveted our neighbor's possessions and called it ambition. We have polluted the air with profanity and pornography and called it freedom of expression. We have ridiculed the time-honored values of our forefathers and called it enlightenment. We have become sexually deviant and called it a type of lifestyle. Search us, Oh God, and know our hearts today. Cleanse us from every sin and set us free. Amen."

Time Well Wasted

Mike has started a sermon series about time. He challenged the congregation to prioritize, and move God to the forefront of their daily lives by giving Him their time. The bible tells us in Matthew 6:33 about priorities. It says,
"Seek first God's kingdom and God's righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well."
This begged me to ask the question: Is there such a thing as time well wasted?
Those that are close to us know that Mike has very poor time management skills and he is often distracted when he needs to be focused. In his challenge to the congregation, I saw his great need to challenge himself to do the very same things that he was asking of them. I know that he desires to make better use of the time he has been given, but it just sometimes doesn't work out that way for whatever reason. Back to the previous question: Is there such a thing as time well wasted? I think we have a choice. We can choose to live for today and not worry about what tomorrow might bring. And although living in the moment may sound nice, it's not very practical for most people. To most, it sounds impulsive and flighty in nature. We know that we have to work and earn an income in order to support ourselves, but what else do we really HAVE to do? Some people think that time is relative to productivity, which is not necessarily true. Some think in terms of money or numbers. Some people can't sit, they can't take time because there isn't enough so they have to go, go, go and do, do, do.
Scripture also tells us this:
"Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit"; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. Instead you ought to say,"If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that." But now you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil. Therefore, to him who knows to do good and does not do it, to him it is sin." James 4:13-17.
What does this mean to you? To me, it means that even though I am vapor in the wind, I am to leave my mark while I am here because I won't be here for long. I think this is God's way of telling us that old familiar saying that life is too short. We are here today and gone tomorrow. Those of us that have lost someone that we care for, know that all too well. Studies have shown that a high number of people spend their time worrying and their lives are ridden with different anxieties. Those same studies show that the average person worries about things that never even happen. What a waste of time.
With that said, how do we make sure we spend our time wisely and effectively? How do we make sure that we are good stewards of the time that we have been given?
The answer: we seek Him first.

A Confession

Sometimes I scroll through various blogs because I like to be inspired by other people's creativity. This morning, I stumbled across something that delighted me. In fact, I thought it to be completely profound. It was this statement: " Stop defining yourself by your most recent mistake. Don't be defined by your words, and let your words be few."
It made me ask myself the question: How many times a day, do I repent for something I said or thought, and then refuse to let go what God has forgotten?
I believe it is difficult for our finite, human minds to comprehend how God can forgive us, especially when we rarely have the capacity to fully love as He does unconditionally. Because of sin, we have conditions. Those conditions build walls instead of tearing them down. Jesus didn't come to earth build walls, but to build relationships.
What is one truth about Jesus that is hardest for you to comprehend? How do you think you would react or feel if you were able to understand everything about Him?
Today, I am confessing my doubts that I have harbored and the resistance I have felt towards God's unknowable nature.
If you are one of those people who defines yourself by your mistakes, remember that you can be restored, or established for the first time. No matter what we've done in the past, it cannot keep us from God once we seek His redemption. It can't even disqualify us from ministering in His wonderful name. Amen.

Good Intentions

Loving people is more than an emotion. If our minds don't support our emotions in caring for others, then our feelings of love will thin out into just good intentions. Loving others is often inconvenient. We need the strength of our mind to help solidify our commitment to other people. Otherwise, we will become one of the multitudes reciting, "I meant to do something, but I just never got around to it." Each of us might do it differently, but we are all called to invest in the lives of others. After church today, I was listening to some of the hardships a friend of ours is facing, and I thought of this verse:
"Consider one another in order to stir up love and good works." Hebrews 10:24
This friend just recently went in on a partnership deal to buy, own, and renovate a manufactured housing community. Most of the people that are living there are doing so in the poorest of conditions. Not only because of the place itself, but because of the ways in which they choose to live and how their community has been cared for in the past. As he described the situation to me, I listened and prayed silently to myself. In his frustration, I could see his good intentions being twarted by anger and disappointment.
He asked, "where am I supposed to even start, there's so much to deal with? "
When Jesus saw the multitude, He was moved with compassion for them. Why? Because they were lost. He desired that they receive freedom and deliverance from whatever troubled them. We too, have to desire to see that same deliverance for those we are trying to help. We can care for others intentionally. Maybe they are struggling with issues that we have never had experience with before, but if we purpose in our hearts to love them and care for them because we desire to, we can understand their situation from a different perspective. By gaining this understanding, we also gain access. Access to new ministry, people, and most importantly, God's grace.

Happy Mother's Day

My mom has a plaque on her wall that reads: "A mother holds her children's hands for awhile, and their hearts forever." On May 10th, I celebrated my first Mother's Day. Actually, I was pregnant last Mother's Day, but I figure since she wasn't born yet then it doesn't count. I think it's funny how people devote an entire day to the celebration of one particular person or thing. This year will be Mike's second Father's Day because Abigail was born on June 16th, one day before Father's Day. He likes to joke that he has one up on me. As I sit here and write this post, Abigail is eating her cheerios that she dumped out onto the floor, in between her bouts of babbling. I'm glad I ran the sweeper today. It seems as though being a mother has turned out to mean so many different things that I become overwhelmed at times. Not really overwhelmed at all the things I have to do, more like overwhelmed at the thought of this little person that can't rely on herself at all. Instead, she looks to us to feed her, bathe her, play with her, protect her, and love her. I think about how she's not just going to understand things on her own, that we have to teach her. That may sound like a simple thought, and for those people who are already parents and have been for awhile, they've probably thought the same thing at one point or another. It doesn't matter how many times I tell her that she can't climb up on the bookshelves because she does it anyway. She's also had two black eyes, numerous finger cuts, and last week her face looked like she got attacked by a wolverine. Still, she remains fearless. As for me, sometimes I feel like I may have a heart attack because of her fearlessness. I guess that's all just part of being a mother so to speak. What amazes me the most is God's grace through this season of our lives. We've prayed countless times for wisdom and understanding in the ways of parenting. We've prayed that our times of trial and error would not be harmful, but a learning experience. I know I see His grace the most when I am tired and frustrated with Abigail and she starts crying. I run to pick her up and comfort her because she needs that. His grace is enough in those moments, to calm me and bring things back into perspective...at least until the next time. I look at her, and I know that I can do this "mom thing". I look at her, and I see what happiness is.

SPOONS

Last night, I was invited to a small gathering of women by a friend of mine. I went reluctantly at first, knowing that she was the only person that I would know at this gathering. As we arrived, we walked up to the house and I was introduced to everyone. We ate, talked, and played a very violent game of SPOONS, of which I had never played before. For those of you that have never played this game, picture this: a bunch of well-dressed, "church ladies" of all ages diving across a table for a spoon, seemingly well-behaved on most days except for when they are the one left without the spoon. That's when the tantrums begin to surface and those same grown women that would never utter a belittling word, begin to shout accusations at one another. Yes, it's all in the name of a little friendly competition. As the night went on, my fears and apprehension turned to laughter. We had a great time and I really needed it. I started to realize on the way home, that I have been searching for a season of my life that has already passed, trying to reclaim it because I don't think I was entirely ready to give it up in the first place. Only in that revelation, did I find that what I have been longing for is here. I just haven't pursued it because of my own fears. Sitting there around that table reminded me of home. It brought to mind all of those times that I sat with my friends and talked about the same things. We are all different people, creatures of many habits with our own will to do things our own way, and yet we are all still the same in the sense that we require love and fellowship from others; a need to connect, to feel valued and loved and wanted. We are all searching and I am not alone.

Love

Of Course, love is a difficult word to define. But let me try listing what I think the future of Christian love should involve:

• loving without putting our acts of kindness on a pedestal. What ever happened to giving in secret? Glamorous charity is not charity at all.
• loving without strings, unconditionally, no bait and switches.
• being unconcerned about being unnamed, rewarded, or repaid
• prioritizing others, even in the midst of our own discomfort
• advocating for the undefended
• being a voice for the voiceless
• being better listeners to those who need to be heard
• being a church without walls-simple church, organic church, mega church-it's all good. We are one church.
• seeing the church as the home of the fringe, the misfits, and the marginalized, where these same people lead with real authority.
• willing to lay down our lives for others, like first-century Christians did when pandemics struck their cities. They stayed when others left.
• responding immediately to global crisis
• long term commitment to radical and sacrificial compassion for the poor.
• being a gentle conversationalist with the world
• showing love for Christ more than love for Christianity as a culture
• creating a place where all are truly empowered, led, and seen for who they are. A place where everyone finally reflects the majority of a multi-cultural world. Jesus didn't really have long, blonde hair and blue eyes! (or did He?)

Dave Gibbons - pastor, New Song Church

Random Thought: 101

Originally, I sat here thinking roughly for five to ten minutes about something to write about...
First, I thought I would describe the way the LORD is moving in the hearts of people in our church, as it has been pretty revolutionary and is seemingly already having an impact on our lives. Too personal right now, I thought; I don't think anyone would care.
Second, I thought I could pass off a potpourri of words as a constructed means of allowing others to visualize my thought process; you know, something along the lines of, "Potato salad, tartar sauce, Simon Cowell, or how I love Ellen Degeneres", you know, just a slew of random things. Perhaps a bit too awkward; and as before, no one would care.
So then, I pondered the result of meshing the two: a civilized means of discussing random things that came to my mind and the hearts of people. It holds weight AND is interesting to read!
The above equation produced the solution, which is the following...
I am having trouble relating to society and the thought processes of the people within it. I dislike it so much, I wish to associate it with a word more powerful than dislike.
The society we live in today is annoying me in the sense that almost everything is a double standard. Do I sound like I am ranting? (Irony?)
I think the way I would choose to put it is that I loathe the ways of the world we all live in today; the ideology, the way we act and conduct ourselves, and yet, my Jesus says that I am supposed to be a light in it.
I am twenty-eight years old. I think it may be biased for me to say the above at such a young age. Some may dare to say I am closed-minded, seeing as I am basing my opinion on such a short span of life. I think the opposite. I think this world would be a better place if people saw things the way I see them, if they thought the way I thought, or felt how I felt. Will this ever happen? Probably not. Cultures thrive upon all of their members being different. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't wise up to certain things. Okay, now you probably think I am on the verge, if not entirely, sounding arrogant. I am trying to be sarcastic, that's the point.
Therefore, tonight I shall begin a series of short writings based on what is going on in my head. Tonight, will be Chapter 1 in said series, and will discuss love in modern society.
Ahem, here goes...
Being young, I have become accustomed to witnessing much regarding the dating scene, and becoming observant of the other gender, and also how we deal with them, how they think, etc. I notice these things more in others now that I am happily married. I think most would agree with saying that modern society has corrupted the term "love".
I do not advocate saying the word love when you don't mean it, yet some frequent its use. It doesn't make sense to me. On a daily basis, I see teenage sweethearts professing their love and making irresponsible choices and "throwing their lives away". For example, getting a divorce because they got married too young, children having children, etc. Such immaturity is pitiful, and it is a shame that it happens. However, the problem with modern society is that it isn't just the teenagers acting irresponsible anymore, it is adults too. Modern society endorses and promotes promiscuity and irresponsibility to the point where words like love, sex, and marriage have lost their meaning, and have been devalued to just another word in the dictionary. I think what corrupts the world so much is that individuals allow this ideology to continue, mostly by participation.
I also believe that most of this irresponsibility is derived from the modern media. The way we are influenced is done in such a way that it allows such behavior to become socially accepted, and almost inherently become the norm. People have lost touch with the way they used to be able to think for themselves, and instead are told how to think, and the sad thing is that it works. We are constantly being indoctrinated.
Essentially, what I am saying is we need to change our thought processes, for the betterment of others and for society in general. If we continue on the way we have been, we will be perpetuating this madness into a state of idiocracy, and it would be a shame.
I apologize for not being linear, and not even really finishing. I will finish when I have more time.
For now, I am tired of looking at the keyboard and I am still not sure if anyone cares that I think this way.

Give Thanks

I have been missing home a lot lately. My head realizes that this is our new home, and as soon as it convinces my heart, I'll stop mentioning it. Anyways, I talked to Sandi on the phone today and it made me wish I could hug her and sit on her porch (even though it's cold) and sip some coffee. When I got off the phone with her, I began to think about all of the girls in small group back home and how we all ever got connected in the first place. How each one of us are so different, and yet so very much the same. I could never put together a group of women myself that has the same connection, so by this I know that it was orchestrated by God alone. I have never had trouble making friends before, but sometimes when your whole life changes, even when it's expected, it makes you choose who it is that you let into your life a little more carefully. Life is a journey that takes us down many roads. Some are good and some not so good. But as we live life, we learn, grow, and meet people that make the journey worth the travel. Mike and I have met a lot of nice people since we've moved here, and I am sure that we will meet many more. I hope that some of those people become true, lifelong friends. I think friends help us live longer and happier. Those kind of people, people that I would like to call friends, are like angels in a way. With them, we find comfort in their arms or in their words. There are times when we find comfort in their presence, knowing that they will stand beside us come what may. Sometimes, those same friends come and go, and from each one, we learn more about ourselves. We see our own weaknesses and our own strengths from the eyes of another. Friends that are lifelong, the ones that stick around and inprint our hearts, are the ones we keep even closer. I am talking about those friendships where time or distance knows no bounds, and the love that is shared can stand up against the worst of circumstances.
So, I am writing this post with love and thanks. To my friends who have touched my life, watched me fall, and raised me up like angels sent from God. Thank you for helping to lift me up above my fight. For whispering prayers softly for both me and my family. Thank you for loving me even when I didn't have the right words to say. Thank you for loving me as one of your own, for being gentle, and for making me miss home. Everytime I think of you, I find myself wondering how I deserve the honor of having such wonderful people to call my friends. In my life, I have tried hard not to question God's blessings. I just seek His face the best way that I know how. There are special angels that we encounter throughout our lives. I believe that with all my heart. I praise God everyday because you have been mine. I love you.

Welcome to Our World

Brace yourself for ecclesiastical carnage.
Programs have been dumped, traditional music trashed, preaching styles and topics revolutionized, symbols of reverence (appropriate clothing, crosses, communion tables, and pulpits come to mind) thrust aside.
The anger begins with a young pastor and his family, who have been appointed with a challenge from the small church's leadership to stir things up and inspire new vision. They were given a mandate to bring the people in, make the church grow, and most important, evangelize the youth of the surrounding neighborhoods to encourage them back into the church. Most of the church members (average age: 50+) had no idea what they were getting themselves into when all the growth talk began. Most thought that the new face in the pulpit would be a clone of the recently retired pastor, even though there was a significant age difference. They did not expect a reshuffling of the churches priorities, so the lost and broken people rather than the found and supposedly fixed people, became the primary target audience. Fighting tradition, unwritten rules, and change-resistant people.
In summary, virtually everything in the life of the church under this new leadership has become focused on reaching people that are not yet in the church. The older people in the congregation are left feeling as if the church they love has been hijacked by an intruder (one that they hired as an agent for change) and that no one understands that everything they are familiar and comfortable with has been done away with.
A disappointing fact: churches tend to hire a pastor and tell him that they are in the mood for change. They want more up-to-date equipment, they want more outreach-oriented programs, and they want to be more open to young people. Then, if any of that begins to happen, it's not unusual for some of those same people who hired the pastor to grow resistive as they feel things slipping out of their control and migrating into the hands of others, usually much younger, who may be more energetic and hungry for innovative ways of doing church.

On a more positive note: these common issues can be overcome with prayer and persistence, honesty, and love. It's not easy, but it can be done.

This has been our life for the past eight months. We're not giving up.

A Choice to Make

For faith to grow and be strengthened, it must pass through moments of choices. I am for certain that I am not the only one who has discovered that those choices always carry with them, a matter of obedience. Most of us prefer spaces of time between testing, but that is not up to us unfortunately. This is where our heart and character are revealed. The conflict that we endure does not make character; it reveals what's in the heart.
I am learning to guard my heart, and in the process I am learning the Heart of God. I notice the activity of God in the midst of the choices I make, and because I have chosen to be a servant, my choices in turn, reflect the understanding of that relationship. With God, there are no easy ways to maturity or short cuts to avoiding your real life situations. As far as I know, our lives on earth will always bring some measure of pain, conflict, sorrow, and even battle. I believe it is our perseverence through these battles that ultimately develop our character, especially our faith in Him. On a more personal level, I have battled since my family and I have entered into this new season of our lives of pastoring a community of believers. But even now, I know that regardless of my abilities, only God can give me the victory in overcoming my struggle with the change. God is looking for a heart in me, that will be loyal to Him, so He can show Himself strong on my behalf. Too many of God's people fail to relate to Him as His servants. When God is silent, they get upset or even angry, and they often jump to the conclusion that God has abandoned them. Then they begin to make demands of God, and too often forsake His words. Others just work themselves to death with good deeds using their human reasoning. They create their own vision and then proceed to ask God to bless them. It is part of God's covenant to bless us, and I believe He wants to before we even ask for it. When you want to be blessed, remember to bless someone else. I have found in my own life, that His blessings have never been late or short when He knows that He can trust me with the gifts He is giving. Love never witholds anything when it's appropriate. Love longs to give and flow forth. The more we respond to God's call through the choices that carry us farther along, this will ring true with more assurance. "I do not pray that You should take them out of the world, but that You should keep them from the evil one. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. Sanctify them by Your truth. Your word is truth, as You sent Me into the world, I also have sent them into the world. And for their sakes, I sanctify Myself, so that they may also be sanctified by the truth." John 17:15-19.
Having knowledge of this truth should affect the choices that we make. We can choose to be obedient, even not knowing what the outcome our situation will be. The more we choose to do this, the more we see God's loving grace abound in our lives and our faith in Him is strengthened.

LIFE

Do you have children? I do. I have a beautiful seven month old daughter who loves to laugh. She is fragile, but brave at the same time. Her name is Abigail Lauren. She is feminine, fiesty, and fearless to say the least. My husband and I have been initiated into the realm of parenting and it is for certain, the most wonderful blessing that we have been given. Sometimes I stare at her and think about LIFE. I think of how she is completely dependent on Mike and I for everything that she needs and she is not a bit worried about it. I learn a lot from her. She is the most honest person that I have ever met. I don't have to remind myself that she is only going to be this little for a short period of time, and I should cherish it while the time is here. Everyday, I do my best to do just that, even when it gets tiring. She is starting to crawl. One thing is for sure, she is persistent. She tries and tries, and when she falls down, she tries again. She also knows how to get what she wants. When she is hungry, she sticks everything in sight in her mouth until I get the hint, but she doesn't often cry about it; a great sign of maturity at such a young age. When she's tired, she nuzzles up to us as if to say,"could you cuddle me to sleep now?" and we gladly do. She gets excited and her eyes grow three times their normal size, I think as a point to emphasize that when she's happy, we all should be. She likes to carry on conversations by herself too, and even though we have no idea what she's saying, she does and thats all that matters to her. I was nervous at first, to take her to church, only to discover that she was born to be an evangelist. People are drawn to her and she likes it. She greets everyone with a smile and it can brighten your whole day. To have a child is to be given the world to hold in your hands, and the entire universe to try to fit inside your heart. Sometimes, when I get frustrated, I try to remember that it must be harder for her than it is for me. It's at those times when I am most thankful for God's willingness to teach me constant mending and repairing, to guide Michael and I through. He is our source of LIFE. We are all in this together. The smiling face of our child, and the LORD's goodness and grace beyond measure, keeps us.