Prayer

I find myself trying very hard to deny God's presence, especially when it invades my circle of defenses. Over time, I have carefully carved out a safe spot far down inside my own determination and stand in defiance over His eventual and expected intrusion. Oddly enough, I think the reason why I love Him so much is because He doesn't always knock before He enters. He loves to just storm into my deepest parts and start turning over tables, clearing spaces, and setting things free. I struggle with my indifference and I have all kinds of objections to His leadings, but still, He is always there.
I freely admit that there is a lot of sadness hidden in the center of my hardened heart. I become impaled by my thoughts of my own personal self-worth at least one hundred times a day. But when I look up, He is beside me. He lifts me up and stands face to face with me in the circle of my despair. He often describes me as He sees me and not how I see myself.
This is why I often fall to my knees, to the earth beneath my faltering feet...lay down my sword, and weep into the dirt from whence I came. This is the place where I find that I am precious in His sight. And that's all that matters to me.