Part The Waters

I'm tired of fighting battles. I am tired of the heap of unrealistic expectations that have been thrust upon me and my family. I am worn out. This is my prayer:

When I think I'm going under, part the waters Lord.
When I feel the waves around me, calm the sea.
When I cry for help, oh, hear me Lord, hold out Your hand,
Touch my life, and still the raging storm in me.

Abigail is...

Abigail is:
My goodness…simply beautiful…the stealer of the covers in the morning…the one who makes me smile…the puddle of yucky pee on the kitchen floor…the destroyer of a clean house in less than three minutes…the one hiding behind the shower curtain…the first to say, “amen”…a light in a dark place…the one with the sense of humor…an encouragement…the gardener...my favorite….at peace with herself…her Father’s joy…blessed…a ticklish little girl…fragile…grace…spinning, laughing, dancing to her favorite song…louder and louder…a lover of purses and mommy’s shoes…a prophetess…a helper with the laundry…a snotty nose…sticky fingers…sorry for hitting…a colorful artist on brand new clothes…a gift from God…a funny face…a bump on the forehead whenever it’s picture time…a lover of books and music…a worshiper…a lover of French fries even when they’re cold…highly favored…a fearless couch jumper…constantly loving…cranky at bedtime…one who is cherished…a world of new discovery…earnestly seeking…a good girl…a lover of pink toenail polish…flourishing…nurturing…delightful….a comedian…a crown to grandma’s and grandpa’s…a precious life…delivered…saved by the power of love…an answered prayer…a beloved child…growing up

too fast.

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God does not need the Creation in order to have something to love, because within Himself, love happens. Have you ever been so caught up in something that you just had to share it? That's because real love creates a genuine openness. The reason that we long for intimacy, is because we are made in the image of perfect intimacy.

Our King clothes Himself as a beggar and renounces His Throne, in order to win the hand of His bride. The Incarnation, the life, and death of Jesus answers once and for all the question, "What is God's heart towards me?" This is why Paul says in Romans 5, "Look here, at the Cross."

I want you to think about the part you find yourself playing, the self that you put on like a costume. Who cast you in this role? Are you living out a script that someone else has written for you? Most of us have not been invited to live from our hearts, to be who we truly are, so we put on the costume hoping to offer something acceptable to the world, something functional. Either we're chosen for the wrong reasons, or we're not chosen at all.

So what does this have to do with our heart?

Answer:

"What is man that You are mindful of him,

the son of man that you care for him?

You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings

and crowned him with glory and honor." (Psalms 8:4-5)

NOTES TO SELF

Mike and I had the opportunity to go to The Voice of the Apostles conference which is held for three days in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. It was an awesome time of refreshing and worship, and a much needed time of learning God's Word in a new and profound way. Here are some of the notes that I took during Bill Johnson's workshop:

1. The Bible doesn't tell us to humble our brother, it tells us to humble ourselves.
2. We, as the body of Christ, have been given and called to the ministry of reconciliation; which means that we don't count their sins against them. By them, I mean other people.
3. We can stand in the place of intercession for those who because of sin, judgement is their portion.
4. Jesus came to show us what one right man can do when He is in the perfect will of God.
5. We are to prophesy according to our faith, while re-defining the nature of God's goodness to the world.
6. There has to be action that is equal to words when giving a presentation of the gospel.
7. Satan undermines revival by poisoning the minds of people.
8. The pathway to idolatry is fear - Israel turned to Baal because Baal promised prosperity.
9. We cannot use human tools to bring about supernatural manifestations.
10. We cannot win the world through a debate on religion, there must be a declaration of power.
11. The questions you have, have no power unless you empower them.
12. Not every battle is worth fighting, some battles are just distractions.
13. If we constantly defend ourselves against others, we may not have the energy left that we need to fight the battle that really matter.
14. Proving to others that we are important is one of those distractions.
15. Do not engage in a fight that is not important to your God-given destiny.
16. I do not need anyone else's approval to be the person God created me to be.
17. Speaking boldly in the LORD bears witness to the signs and wonders of God.
18. The Kingdom of God is within us.
19. Acts 14:1-4, signs, wonders, and miracles of God
20. 1 Samuel chapter 14 , shows us The Effect of Courage

A Revelation:

After an exhausting church board meeting tonight, I figured out that there are just some things I am never going to understand. But...for the first time in a year and a half, I know that I am right where I need to be. All of my questioning, searching, and wondering has led me to a place where crying out to the LORD has become first language. And after much prayer and fasting, my questions have been answered and I have found what I was searching for. My discovery was this:

Even here....His Hand will guide me.

Psalm 127:3-5

I was sitting with Abigail as she opened up her Christmas presents and I began to reflect on what it means to be truly grateful. She is so wonderful. She is excited all the time. Life hasn't gotten hard for her yet. Life hasn't beaten her up with experiences. A boy has never broken her heart. She doesn't have any bad memories that she tries not to think about. She is the happiest little person that I know. And she makes me happy. Whenever I reflect on these blessings, I thank God. I thank Him for changing my life by allowing me to be a part of hers. And I think to myself, "Lord Jesus, please help me, so I don't mess this up".
As she grows, I find myself taken back by her constant discoveries of the world. She reminds me daily, to remember what it's like to be a child. She reminds me to be free when I give love, to not withhold it, but embrace it instead. Thank you, Lord, for my family. Psalm 127:3-5 "Behold, children are a gift of the LORD. The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them."

Love Remembers...

Love remembers

the smell of a summer day,

lying in a hammock over fresh cut grass
And the promise of forever.

Love remembers

the sound of the pouring rain

beating down on the top of a car

on the side of the road

because we couldn't wait.

Love remembers

the taste of cotton candy gloss

on the lips of a long kiss

and the plans they made together.

Love remembers

to feel the fingertips

running through soaking wet hair

on the bank after a midnight swim.